My name is Helen Lily Webster. I began my work in the field of family violence in 1982 in Banff, Alberta, Canada under the leadership of Dr. Arleigh Porte, one of the first pioneers in the development of the first anger management programs for abusive men. I worked as a therapist in Anger Management Group Therapy for thirteen years with both women and men who had difficulty in controlling their anger and aggression and who took it out on their partners, children, and society as a whole.
During this time, I learned approximately 80 people can become involved when there is one episode of family violence. This statistic was from the thesis done by Monica Springer who was working on it at the University of Calgary on the impact of family violence on society as a whole.
While working with violent individuals, the main thing I learned was not to lose your cool no matter what was said during the group sessions. I quickly learned at the very beginning of every group the men hated me; one, because I was a woman, and two, because they had to listen to me and I was a woman. By the end of the first session, this had all changed: For most of them, they had come to the realization that what I had to say might be important to them and their lives. I had engaged the men in the anger management process.
In those groups, we also had women who had anger management problems. They had no problem fitting in with the men.
In other groups, I worked with abused women, but I was not as tough or strict with them as I was with the men. They had enough strictness and “rules” laid down before them to last a lifetime. Their groups consisted more of life skills coupled with an understanding of anger and violence and the role they played in it. Some were so broken it would take ongoing counselling to help them get back on their feet. Some along with their husbands wanted the relationship to continue and they needed serious marriage counselling and even that sometimes didn’t keep the relationship together. Too much damage had been done.
The above scenarios were just some of the skills I shared with my groups, and I had a high rate of success with only one or two dropouts in a 14-week program. I conducted these groups for thirteen years as a volunteer while training social workers by having them come into my groups and work with me. I usually took one or two at a time, but I have had up to three. They then went on to offer their own Anger Management programs. In my groups, I had a male and female therapist to show the men how men and women can interact with each other in a kind, respectful manner. We would each take part in offering pieces of each session.